Utterance of Ben

How can someone be so egotistical be self-depreciating and criticizing at the same time. It feels like I'm having some bi-polar disorder. Because I for one like to day dream and self-praise in third person for being smart and cute. But I tell myself in first person that I'm fat and ugly and a loser. Like WTH? What's wrong with me idiocy to the max all I can say to myself.