How can someone be so egotistical be self-depreciating and criticizing at the same time. It feels like I'm having some bi-polar disorder. Because I for one like to day dream and self-praise in third person for being smart and cute. But I tell myself in first person that I'm fat and ugly and a loser. Like WTH? What's wrong with me idiocy to the max all I can say to myself.

Who can I keep my secrets with?

My thoughts on attraction

Was reading a comic and I suddenly wondered do friends really discuss about relationships? Like do they discuss who they actually attracted to? If they are not found out they won't say it out do they? I mean it really feels really personal. Talking about something that is not even confirmed. Maybe you truly like the person but what if the person doesn't like you at all? Once you say it out doesn't it feel like you really want to be in the relationship with the person and imposing your feelings on a person with friends is like a burden to the person you like. What if the one you like prefers not to have a open relationship then again is that healthy? I think out of all the people I've been attracted to. out of the numbers I only openly discuss 3 due to circumstances and curiosity of friends. I never discuss my attraction till I fell out of it but i never really said it out really clearly either its like i will never tell who i liked but i described the process and feelings i had, occasions i had. I hate to expose that side of me because I find that it's a weakness. It's scary. I think I'm mentally not ready for a relationship, I guess. Though I'm already like what going I be a quarter of a century. Maybe the right one hasn't come? Maybe it had but it was too early? So you people believe in there's a soulmate? I don't think I do after going thru the attractions and relationship stuff. Maybe I'm just deluded now. Yes, I am strongly attracted to someone right now, but I think I would discuss it with anyone. However, the person I'm attracted seems to know it's always the circumstances but I rather not be open. I'm actually obvious if you actually know who is it.

为什么不能安眠，我是很想眭但不能入眠。(°_°)

Hmm like the last time using iPhone

to blog... Like the last time many things happen again. Life keeps in changing I guess, the changes seem minuscule day by day but when you take the whole year you see there's a big difference. Received my diploma in 2009 yea that long ago. When to work for a year or so, first in a restuarant for a month which really was fun though tiring and it felt demanding at that time, but the fact that I could reminisce shows that it was actually enjoyable unlike the job I had after but stay for a year where I felt miserable and directionless it was really something I wasn't heading for. I looked around and decided maybe I should take up something that I was really interested in and then I saw an opportunity to do a another diploma this time in baking @sunrice but the customer service wasn't forthcoming and did felt wanted waited for a long time before the would actually reply me but anyhow I still almost when on with the application I need a referral therefore I asked one of my diploma lecturer for one. It was he who pushed me to my next course of life as he introduce me to the doing a bachelor in culinary management that was just introduced that year. The short listing was already done but it has poor response due to the fact that as Asians we have a more traditional take on culinary. Hence, luckily for me with a chance of a lifetime I took it up and thus landing me a spot in this bachelor. I guess I could be the one who have the last laugh at the ex-colleagues who jeered at at what I was going to study. Look at how many people trying to get a spot in the Bach. now if I didn't take it up and waited and let others test the waters I probably would not have gotten in anymore. But right now, my future isn't as bright as I wish it is. However, I'm sure this is much better than like a thorn stuck to my skin at least I going towards a direction that i will be having a interest in.

Hello wellos trying out blogging on iPhone 

just a random post

i wonder who is still reading this blog it has almost been a year already.
just typing this out of nothing better to do actually.

last year was really... many things happening. 2 to 3 major "i'm an adult" things happen good lord. i hate it actually i don't like being responsible for my own life HOHOHO... wishing so much that i am still a teenager but whatever.

lets be super-ordinary humans, life sucks.

thank you